yeah i think it’s all sorted out now my stuff i mean mostly he’s staying over again yeah he wanted to try being on his own for a little it’s not working out so well i guess but i think we expected that i told him he could stay as long as he wanted to
I feel so bad for him, you know? Being separated from Mr. Avdol like that...it's one of those sad things that nobody really likes to think about, I think. How fast all of this could just...be done with, one day.
i think about it a lot if i’m gonna be honest but yeah you’re right no one wants to think about it i hope i can be there for him now and everyone else too
anyway i can’t say that it’s all sanguis just mostly i started thinking about the date auction and the way that he looked at you and i just lost it all i wanted was to fight someone or you know, something else so i know it doesn’t make it okay or good
I mean, I know TV shows make it sound glamorous and everything, having people fight over you, but...I'm not some trophy, you know? That's not how it works, it's not like my feelings just automatically land with whoever "wins".
I know Rohan's hard to get along with. I don't get to tell people to get along with him or not. But fighting with him or not, I don't want to be in the middle of that.
But I'm not mad at you. And I'm glad we're talking about it.
with what happened to abbacchio it feels kind of stupid to complain about anything i just saw everyone around me happy i guess or something like that before it was just a shitty lonely feeling and then the moons fucked with me and i was just angry i might still be angry i don’t know but like i said it’s dumb and not really important and i do really like you but i won’t get in the way of you guys again i swear
You were never in the way, Mista. And you're still not.
...Anyway, believe me when I say that I know how that felt, that loneliness. I remember years and years of just...watching everybody living their lives around me, and no one ever saw me. I remember being angry. I know...maybe they're not the exact same feelings, but I understand those feelings.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, you're wrong that they're not important. And that I don't want to be someone who makes you feel invisible and left out.
ah yeah that's probably another reason not to complain everyone else has it worse when it comes to this shit i'm not even sure it's the invisible thing that bothers me i just don't want to be alone, i guess
if you think i'm not in the way i'll accept it even if i'm pretty sure being part of a weird kiss party is kind of on the borderline and the more i think about it i'm still not sure i get why you were okay kissing both of us because i was being a shitty baby, you and i both know it and i don't want you to think that you owe me anything we're friends but it's not your job to make me happy i just hope you know that i mean it's my job to make sure you're safe but that's something totally different
[ he wants to ask something outright, but he hesitates before sending another message ]
i'm sorry i have to ask are you guys like together now? like together together?
It's not like it's a competition. I'm saying I understand your feelings, not that mine are more important than yours.
But you know...this place, it's not really like home, is it? I mean, where there were rules about how things worked. You go to school and graduate and have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, you get married and have a house and kids and a job...that's not how any of this works. I kissed both of you because I wanted to, and because you wanted me to do it, too. In a place like this...I think that's enough.
yeah i figured you guys were he’s always meant a lot to you so i get it
you know it’s stupid but i thought coming here after all the shit we went through back home that this was a second chance or something that maybe i could just have life again without everything getting too complicated
I think you can. Just have a life, I mean. But...I also think that it's not something that's just handed to you, either.
Back when I first got here, I sat still for a long time, thinking, "What's the point? This isn't real, and the next time I blink I'll be back home and bound for Heaven. Why should I bother living? My life stopped sixteen years ago."
You and the others were the ones who shook me out of that. You're the ones who made me believe I should try. So...I don't think it's stupid, to feel that way. But that's why I think you should try, too.
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You're staying with Niichan right now, though, right? How are you guys doing?
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my stuff i mean
mostly
he’s staying over again yeah
he wanted to try being on his own for a little
it’s not working out so well i guess
but i think we expected that
i told him he could stay as long as he wanted to
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But anyway. I don't want to get off-track.
You, um. Wanted to explain?
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but yeah you’re right no one wants to think about it
i hope i can be there for him now
and everyone else too
anyway
i can’t say that it’s all sanguis
just mostly
i started thinking about the date auction
and the way that he looked at you
and i just lost it
all i wanted was to fight someone or
you know, something else so
i know it doesn’t make it okay or good
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I mean, I know TV shows make it sound glamorous and everything, having people fight over you, but...I'm not some trophy, you know? That's not how it works, it's not like my feelings just automatically land with whoever "wins".
I know Rohan's hard to get along with. I don't get to tell people to get along with him or not. But fighting with him or not, I don't want to be in the middle of that.
But I'm not mad at you. And I'm glad we're talking about it.
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it feels kind of stupid to complain about anything
i just saw everyone around me happy i guess
or something like that
before it was just a shitty lonely feeling
and then the moons fucked with me and i was just angry
i might still be angry i don’t know
but like i said it’s dumb and not really important
and i do really like you but i won’t get in the way of you guys again
i swear
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...Anyway, believe me when I say that I know how that felt, that loneliness. I remember years and years of just...watching everybody living their lives around me, and no one ever saw me. I remember being angry. I know...maybe they're not the exact same feelings, but I understand those feelings.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, you're wrong that they're not important. And that I don't want to be someone who makes you feel invisible and left out.
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that's probably another reason not to complain
everyone else has it worse when it comes to this shit
i'm not even sure it's the invisible thing that bothers me
i just don't want to be alone, i guess
if you think i'm not in the way
i'll accept it
even if i'm pretty sure being part of a weird kiss party
is kind of on the borderline
and the more i think about it i'm still not sure i get why you were okay kissing both of us
because i was being a shitty baby, you and i both know it
and i don't want you to think that you owe me anything
we're friends but it's not your job to make me happy
i just hope you know that
i mean it's my job to make sure you're safe
but that's something totally different
[ he wants to ask something outright, but he hesitates before sending another message ]
i'm sorry i have to ask
are you guys like
together now?
like together together?
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But you know...this place, it's not really like home, is it? I mean, where there were rules about how things worked. You go to school and graduate and have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, you get married and have a house and kids and a job...that's not how any of this works. I kissed both of you because I wanted to, and because you wanted me to do it, too. In a place like this...I think that's enough.
But yeah. We're together together.
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he’s always meant a lot to you
so i get it
you know
it’s stupid but i thought coming here
after all the shit we went through back home
that this was a second chance or something
that maybe i could just have life again
without everything getting too complicated
i really don’t know what i was thinking
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Back when I first got here, I sat still for a long time, thinking, "What's the point? This isn't real, and the next time I blink I'll be back home and bound for Heaven. Why should I bother living? My life stopped sixteen years ago."
You and the others were the ones who shook me out of that. You're the ones who made me believe I should try. So...I don't think it's stupid, to feel that way. But that's why I think you should try, too.
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even if i was pretty lame about that other stuff
thanks, seriously