doreimi | IC Inbox | prismatica

[There's a part of her that doesn't want him to go away, even for an instant. And she knows, deep down, that all she would have to do is say so, and he would stay. He'd suffer through the soaked clothes and uncomfortable damp, just because she wanted him to. He thought she'd died again; he would do anything for her, right now.

And that's exactly what she's never wanted for him. Herself, her sacrifice, used against him. It's why she doesn't tell anyone who he really is to her, what connection they share. Someone would use it against him, and it would work.

And if that's the case, then that someone shouldn't even be her, herself. She has no right to use that against him, either, even if it's only by accident.

So she lets him get away, but before he can move entirely, she reaches out from beneath the blankets, her hand going to his wet hair and gently finger-combing the strands back behind his ear. She can feel the little sparks of chroma in her fingertips as she does it, too. She's warmer now than she's been, and he won't be gone for long.]

I didn't die again. I'm right here.

[Where he can watch her. Where he can know.]

Come back soon, okay...?

[ How is it so easy for her? How can she so easily touch his hair? How can she think it's easy to give him hugs, cuddle up to him, return that -- kiss. How can she knowing that she's not a part of his past in the same capacity. He wonders. He's curious. He always has been curious about how people tick. It's not that he wants to know for the sake of his art this time, though.

He wants to understand so he understands her. He doesn't understand it all, not yet. And she's the only person he can talk openly with. So, for now, he lets those thoughts linger and disappear, quickly replacing them again with the present concern about her life and condition.

She is priority now.

That touch makes him pause, but it helps, at least a little. It makes him feel better just a small amount. But honestly, he'll take what he can get. He's glad to get any attention from her that she'll give him. And sometimes, he'll demand more.

Oh yeah - he should hurry.

He does despite how hard it is to pull himself away from that touch and attention granted.
He has much less clothes here than at home - everything costs Chroma. Cordis consumes Chroma, and he has a hard time getting close to people, so it's not like he generates it at the same rate as he he would if it were simply money he needed.

Regular currency that didn't require touch and interaction. He returns in something more simple than he'd normally wear (pen motif everywhere as necessary, of course). No one except Reimi will see him.

He doesn't say anything yet, just crawls under those blankets with her because even if she's better now, he knows Chroma will help her, and it'll be good for him. It'll be good to be reassured that she's alive. ]

You went in there, too? Or, you at least saw it.

[There's a moment, one single moment, when Rohan breaks the contact between them and she's afraid. It's nothing rational; in fact, it's perfectly natural to feel that little stab of uncertainty when something that she knows is helping to keep her alive is removed, even for a temporary period of time.

But, she reminds herself, she'll be all right. It won't take long for him to come back, and he will come back. She's got plenty of chroma to tide her over, and even if she doesn't, Rohan will come running to help her. She's not stranded out in the Solemn Grounds right now, she's on his couch. He's right here with her. It's going to be all right.

So she watches him dart off to get changed, and while he does she holds as still as she can and dozes, like she's hibernating to conserve energy or something ridiculous like that, and when he comes back she doesn't waste any time in gravitating back against him, wanting the reassurance of feeling the chroma they're generating by being in contact.

(This isn't normal. Normal people don't cuddle up under blankets and kiss each other and send fifteen text messages out of sheer worry for each other. This isn't normal, but if she thinks too hard about it, she'll have to acknowledge it, and she doesn't want to.)

She tucks against him instead, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder.]

Yeah. It was like...it's a place for ghosts. It felt like it kept drawing me in.

[Difficult to admit, but she has to. The way that spring had made her feel...now, in retrospect, that scares her, too.]

I kept going in and I couldn't get back out again.

[ He wants to feel better - knowing she's okay. Knowing she's alive right here. But... he doesn't. He's stuck in some loop knowing that he's never felt like that before that he remembers. Knowing that he's never felt afraid of losing someone. Even in those times he fought against other stand users, even when his own life was on the line. He had never before been afraid in a way like this.

But, for the sake of this own sanity, and for the sake of not letting Reimi know how much it had impacted him - he decides to push it down as much as he possibly can.

For now, he'll listen to her.

Let her share her experience. It's better, easier, for him.

She tucks easily against him. They do this often, especially doing Cordis. ]

But you did get out and you came here.

[ Maybe someone helped her, that would be good. He tugs her closer. ]

Good.

[ She knew, even if he's never said it directly - that he would do anything. Anything to help her. ]

Mista pulled me out.

[She has, of course, seen Rohan's opinions on Mista; they don't see eye-to-eye on much. But maybe this much is a step in the right direction. They both care about her; that's at least one thing they could both admit they have in common.]

But ever since then, I keep running out of chroma. I don't mean to. I'm not even buying anything, or using it if I can help it...

[If it weren't for his arms around her, she'd be shivering. Whether that's because of the chroma they're generating or the security his presence provides is anyone's guess.]

So then I was out tonight and I felt it starting to happen again. So I just...came here. You weren't home and I didn't know where you were, so I just waited.

[ Oh. Good. Mista, despite whatever Rohan thinks of him, seems pretty much, otherwise, harmless to him. So, that's good. He's glad she got out. He's glad she has someone who cares about her enough to do it. To do what he needed to do in order to help her. He wants that for her. He wants her to be safe and happy.

And he wants to know she's there for him, which she always has been. ]

Good that he did.

[ His fingers move, soft over her arm under the blankets that he's tugged over their shoulders. It's the best way to stay warm. And the way they are staying? It's been a nice, easy way to generate Chroma, too.

A comfortable way. ]

I always come back here.

[ He doesn't need to explain why he was out. There's things going on and it figures that he'd check it out, at least a little bit. But everything is unpleasant, so he didn't' stay out too long. Plus, he got wet. So there was no way he was going to stay out like this. Even if he didn't message her, she knew he'd be back without too much time passing, but it was good that he did.

Really good. ]

Good I didn't stay out long.

Rohan...

[For a minute she stays quiet and holds still, just feeling the way he touches her, mulling over the weight of her thoughts. Something has changed in his voice; she can tell that there's a stilted brevity in his tone now where there wasn't before, like somewhere along the way he realized he was letting too much of himself show and snapped walls back down around it again as soon as it sank in. Maybe he's uncomfortable with the knowledge that now they've kissed. Maybe he's more rattled than he wants to let on about the way that he found her.

Whatever it is, it sounds painful. Not the sharp sort of pain that stabs and releases, but a duller ache like loneliness that one just endures and endures.

She wishes she could tell him that he doesn't have to. That she doesn't care about any of that, because what she cares about is him. But deep down, she suspects that even she, who gets away with far more than anyone else ever has or ever will, wouldn't be able to get away with that.]

I know you're upset.

[She reaches for him, tentatively. Finds his hand. Twists their fingers together.]

You can be upset. It's okay to be. I won't...tell anyone.

[ Upset doesn't begin to describe it, but he doesn't want to say the words. The combination of what he saw then and walking in and the texts between? Yeah. It all rattled him. It's everything. Everything that happened between stepping out of his house and well, not that long ago. This is the first normal thing that's happened to day - cuddling on the couch underneath blankets, keeping them warm.

He takes her hand. There's no resistance in the action, and he returns the grip on her easily. Holding her hand - another piece of normalcy. Another thing he likes. Another thing that lets him be just close enough without letting down every wall around him.

It's good she doesn't say it. Her offering that to him is more than he needs to try and process right now. He doesn't tell her exactly what he's feeling, not that he could even if he wanted to. But, he can tell her what he thought was happening. Maybe, maybe he hopes it'll make sense. ]

It's not that I'm upset, Reimi.

[ Easy for him to say. ]

I thought you were going to die.

[ Scared. Can he tell her that much? There's a lot of hesitation, just as much as in those moments of trying not to admit he cares. ]

I was scared.

[ Phew. ]

[She's well aware of how much it must've taken out of him, to make that admission. Rohan is never scared of anything, never anything but steadfast and defiant. But this frightened him. The thought of losing her frightened him, so badly that he had to come running to find her just to make sure that the awful visions he was experiencing weren't really true.

But she has a creeping, ugly suspicion that the root of his fears isn't really in the possibility of something happening to her in the future. It's in the guilt over what's already happened to her once, that he was powerless to prevent.

That, and —]

Rohan.

[She gathers up her strength, reaching up to press a kiss against his cheek, and even after she's done she lingers there near his ear, where she can murmur secrets low enough that they're only for him, and no one else.]

It wasn't your fault.

[Everything that's happened to her. Everything that still might. None of it is his fault, and she's almost certain that part of him believes that it is.]

You know that...right?

[ There's a soft feeling of Chroma when she kisses his cheek. He's jealous of how easy it is for her to just do this. Talk like this. It's not because no one ever tried to help him do it, he just never really wanted to.

Still, he logically knows that he is not at fault for how things went with her. But that doesn't help how he feels about everything. And, for him, that means that if he can do something to change the way her future here goes? He's going to try.

He'll do what he can. She deserves that much, doesn't she? ]

Yes.

[ Maybe. He turns his head, leaning a little to, again, rest his forehead against hers. ]

I know. [ But what he knows means little. ] But I can do things now.

[ I'm not four anymore. ]

[He couldn't have said it louder if he'd actually voiced the words. I'm not a little kid anymore, and it makes her wonder, all of a sudden, if that's something he worries about and never lets on that he does. She struggles herself with who she'd been in Morioh — craving the opportunity to be seen just as Reimi the average girl, instead of as the ghost girl who stayed behind to protect her town until her killer was found.

Somehow, it never really sank in that Rohan might struggle with how she sees him. That he might worry that he'll always be four years old in her eyes, and not seen for himself. Maybe that worries him a lot, and she's never caught sight of it; she doesn't know.

But at least he's opening up to her. He's still gravitating to her, keeping contact, and it's starting to seem like it's as much for his own sake now as it is to keep her rich with chroma.]

I know. You do so much for me.

[Lightly, her fingertips run down his cheek, a soft touch just to add to the contact between them.]

You keep me safe. I know you do.

[ It was what he needed to hear. He needed to know that she felt that effort. An effort he gave no one else because he didn't think anyone else needed it. He feels weirdly earnest for him. Maybe he's spent too much time around the likes of Koichi at home and others here? Or maybe he's just always been pretty honest with no outlet. It's hard for him to say.

Every touch of her fingers on his cheeks helps. Just a little. That unease never vanishes, but it is helping him to at least push it down. Deal with what's going on in his own way.
If he knows she's safe, everything else is easier to keep away.

He'd have to understand it all to begin with, anyway. ]

I try to.

[ But, well, not well enough, he guesses. There's a moment of silence, his hand reaching up over hers. ]

You could have died. [ Again! Okay, enough of this, he decides, and he just shifts, tugging her into a hug, holding her tight and close. Hey, it generates Chroma, too. He's starting to realize in part that that he's imitating physical contact because he likes it, not because he needs Chroma (though he always does). What a convenient excuse. ]

You're not allowed to do that, you know? Die, I mean.

I'm not allowed, huh...?

[It's almost funny, hearing it framed that way. Rohan, imposing his will on the universe, laying down absolute rules like he's writing them into being with his Heaven's Door. She's not allowed to die, and so that's simply how it is. He won't permit anything different, and it warms her with the way she can't help but hide a smile.

If it were someone else — if it were Abbacchio, or Josuke, or really anyone else, she might've joked, I won't die, once was enough for me, thanks. But Rohan won't find it funny, dark humor or not. It's not funny when he's the one she died saving.]

I'll be in pretty big trouble if I do, you mean. You'd probably never forgive me, right?

[ It helps. Her words help him because even though he thinks she's teasing - at least a little, that's how he is. He would be upset, he'd be angry, and he'd blame himself because he'd have no one else to blame for this. And then it'd just spiral. So, she's right. ]

I'd be pretty mad. You'd have to work pretty hard to be forgiven, I think.

[ Implying it'd be here. And that she would return from it when here. Yeah, he'd still be pretty mad about it. ]

So, that won't happen. Besides, Reimi-chan, I wouldn't be the only one upset.

I would hate it, if I did something unforgivable like that.

[Reimi-chan. She can feel a touch of a blush heat her cheeks at the sound of her name; he always does that when he's trying to get a reaction out of her, and it always works, and this is no exception. It's always when he's teasing but not quite, trying to set her off-balance like she always manages to knock him off-balance in return.

A sliver of her lower lip catches behind her teeth; shifting closer, she tucks her head underneath his chin to try to get him to hold her more closely.]

Because you'd be mad at me. I hate it when you're mad at me, it's the worst.

[Not that he ever has been, really. But Rohan getting angry with her would feel like a severing of the tether that ties her to her own identity, and she knows what little progress she's made toward carving one out for herself wouldn't hold up on its own if she were to lose Rohan, now. She won't, she knows that, but it's still a sobering thought.]

Oh? You're keeping track of the people who'd be upset, now?

[ There's a moment, where he feels better about everything, and he lets himself hold onto that feeling for now. He can feel bad and confused and strange later. For now, he'll just let Reimi tuck herself against him and make sure she knows that dying here is not an option.

Although, he does often see who she is interacting with. It's good for him to know who he has to hunt down if she gets hurt.

That's all.

That's a totally healthy way to interact with someone, right? A great way to learn about the things they like and enjoy. He grins, a typical, confident smile. ]

I wonder if I could actually get mad at you.

[ Hmmm. ]

I am. Just a bit. [ Often. ] I have to leave time to draw after all.

Oh, I get it. Your two favorite pastimes, drawing and keeping track of everybody I ever talk to.

[It's funny because she's being ironic and he's absolutely not kidding.]

...Do you want me to stay here tonight? I can. If you want, I mean.

[What she means is, if it would make you feel better. It's not often that Rohan admits to being scared of anything, much less something having to do with someone else and not himself. He's perking up now, and some of the anxious panic seems to be subsiding; she doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize that, not now.]

[ Haha, yeah he's 100% not kidding about this. O o p s. He doesn't really even think of how it sounds or seems. Besides, it's not like he's stalking entire conversations, right.

But at her offer, he accepts it easily. ]

Yes. You can. You can use the room if you want.

[ Well, one of the rooms. But, he doesn't want her to spend the whole night sleeping on the couch if it's uncomfortable. ]

...That's not what I asked, Rohan.

[She draws back a little, only just far enough that she can look him in the eyes — and still close enough that he has to look at her, too, because there's no room to look away.]

I know I can. I know you'd never turn me away. But what I asked is, do you want me to stay.

Yes.

[ Actually it was really easy. Why did -- he didn't want it to seem like he was being too needy or desperate for attention, even though he is. Or desperate for attention. Yeah. He'd have Reimi stay here all the time, but he also hadn't suggested it quite yet. ]

Stay here, Reimi. That's what I want.

[ Don't be difficult, Rohan. ]

Then I will.

[That wasn't so hard, was it?, she almost adds, but holds back. There's a limit to how far she's willing to push, especially on a night like this, and that feels like too much. She glances away instead, a brisk flick and lowering of her eyes, before slowly looking back at him.]

You can watch out for me tonight. As much as you want. I'll feel better, knowing that you're close by.

[ He doesn't know that he'd be able to sleep tonight if he wanted to. He was drained, but not tired. It was an odd alertness that was lingering over him. He didn't say it, though. He didn't want her to worry about the total lack of sleep he'd inevitably get. Besides, it's not like he slept regularly before coming here. ]

I'll watch out for you.

[ He doesn't think he has anything to worry about here, in his apartment. But it will still help him feel better. ]

Tonight. You'll stay safe.

[ Not just tonight, either. At the very least, there's no need to explain how easy it is for him to do it. ]

No one, and nothing, can get you in here.

[ And there's that confidence. ]

[She nods, silent, and as she ducks her head a few stray locks of hair fall over her eyes, halfway obscuring her features; lost in thought, she makes no move to brush them away. It'll be easier to relax knowing that Rohan will be close by. She'll be able to let down her guard a little, and release some of the vigilant tension she might otherwise have had to keep up if she'd gone home alone. And if something happens again, he'll be there. It's for the best that she stays, of course it is.

He thought she died again tonight. He thought she died, and it scared him.]

...Thanks for finding me, Rohan.

[She whispers, and doesn't know if she means tonight, or back in Morioh, or always.]

[ Yeah. It's really lucky, and he knows it. Both hands move, reaching to grip either of her cheeks and he leans in, resting his forehead against hers. He'll feel so much better knowing she's safe and close and that he can protect her. He can do what he has to in order to protect her. There's no one else he would do this for. There's no one he values like her.

He told her -- Well, since he has her here. ]

It's good I did.

[ If he used those words to other people, it might sound like he was scolding them, but it didn't worth her. There's a deep breath. ]

There's no one more important to me than you are. Of course I'll find you.

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